When Things Go Wrong

What do you do when things go wrong?

Successful people know how to deal with bad situations especially when things go wrong on their watch.

When a successful person makes a mistake, they own up to it and admit their wrong-doing briefly before trying to fix the situation. The worst thing you can do is hide from a mistake or act like you did not do it.

Spectators like honesty. People respect successful people when they make a mistake because they own up to it instead of ignoring it.

We are all human and we all make mistakes, there is no doubt about that. It takes courage to admit a mistake and people recognize that.

"Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit to them." -Bruce Lee

I was recently put in charge of watching three young children for a few hours. I was lax about watching where they were at every second and the next thing I know, one of them is missing. When their parents returned it took us a little while to finally find him hiding in a closet. I had made a mistake. Maybe in the past I would've shied away from admitting my mistake but this time I was loud and honest and owned up to my mistake. The parents respected my honesty and forgave me and our relationship grew because of it.

The worst thing to do in a situation like that one is to get shady or aloof because it makes it seem as you don't care about what you did or more suspicious. Honesty is key in a situation where a mistake was made.

Once again, we all make mistakes because it is a human characteristic. I challenge you to look at your next mistake, large or small, in a different light and own up to it. Notice the reaction you get, it will most likely be that of respect.

Preperation

"Most people have the will to win, few have the will to prepare to win."

-Bobby Knight

Through observing people, I have noticed that most want success. Most people have goals and future visions of themselves obtaining success, but very few actually achieve their most lofty goals. Why is that?

Successful people practice a superior ability to map out their road to success. Successful people know that to achieve any big goal, one must take small steps. 

If your goal is to lose 30 pounds, you don't set out to lose 30 pounds in one day. You must strive each day to lose that 1/4 pound and eventually you will have reached your goal. The problem is that humans are prone to delay future gratification for immediate desire. This is why instead of working out, you may have eaten a cookie which pleased you at the moment, but in the long run got you further away from your goal. 

Procrastination is a big part of this. Instead of studying now, I will do something more enjoyable and wait until another day to study for my test. This is a battle we must win if we want success. Getting an A is far more likely if you study now, and later rather than putting it off. The issue is that we lie to ourselves. Humans are prone to being unrealistic about their future and overly optimistic about how they will behave in the future. 

"Your success is hidden in your daily routine." -Anonymous

Success is not something we arrive at, but rather a habit that we have formed. Successful people know what they need to do everyday to achieve ultimate success and they are masters at forming successful habits.

I challenge you to write down one long-term goal you would like to achieve. Write down how far you are from that goal. Below that, write down one small step that will inch you toward that goal. Repeat that step everyday for a month and then look back at where you started and see how much closer you have got to your goal. 

The Mindset

Does your mindset affect your situation?

Something that seems true of every successful person is that they have a positive mindset. They have a positive outlook on their future and are able to visualize their success in a positive manner.

I know the idea of thinking positive is very cliché and overstated thus easy to tune out. However, thinking positive is astronomically important in achieving success in any discipline.

"Positive thinking will let you do anything better than negative thinking" -Ziglar

No matter how skillfull, knowledgable, experienced or talented you are, you can only succeed with a positive attitude. With a negative attitude, you are wasting your talents, knowledge and entire potential.

I know people who think they are extremely unlucky in life by random occurance. Maybe they are unlucky, but upon spending time with these people I begin to notice something about them. They have very negative mindsets. Any small shortcoming or drawback and their day is ruined. I'm sure we all know someone like that. If you are that person,  be honest with yourself, you can change your luck if you change your mindset.

We all have setbacks and shortcomings in life, but it is our attitude and mindset toward them that makes all the difference. Successful people know how to turn negative situations into positive ones by alternating their mindsets.

Everything I have visualized and truly believed in my life has turned into a reality. I am a firm believer that there is no other mindset for success than positive thinking.

Another idea is to wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap yourself after any negative thought. You will quickly associate a negative thought with physical pain and the negative will vanish.
I challenge you to take one small frustration or drawback today and turn it into a positive situation. Slowly change your mindset and shift your paradigm. Evaluate your results and understand them thoroughly. Have a positive image of yourself and success will follow.

Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results. 
-Willie Nelson 

Motivation and Incentives

Have you ever done something to motive someone else to take a particular course of action? That is called an incentive scheme. 

Successful people know how to create incentive schemes that work because they think through every situation. Leaders know how to motivate people to work through incentives.

Incentives, from the outside looking in, seem straightforward. But they are not, they are very tricky and can backfire easily if not thought through. I am going to explain a story to illustrate what I mean.

Mexico City is known for it's extremely heavy automobile traffic which creates large amounts of pollution and constantly packed roadways. A few years ago, the government thought it would make an incentive to lessen driving and reduce these problems. The government made a law that each weekday, license plates ending in certain numbers were restricted from driving. For instance, Monday, license plates ending in 5 or 6 could not drive and so on. Did people break the law? No. They did something perfectly legal, they bought two cars.

This law was supposed to give people an incentive not to drive as much, but people still had to drive, so instead it gave them an incentive to get a second car. This law was supposed to cut down on driving in Mexico City, however, the total number of cars on the road increased.

Human beings are smart and will try to find any way around a bad situation. Because of this, sometimes the result of an incentive is very unpredictable. In this case, not only was the government of Mexico City unsuccessful in their goal, their tactic actually made the problem worse.

This phenomenon has a name, The Cobra Effect. Years ago, in the capital of India, there was an increasing problem with too many cobra snakes so the government decided to reward people who killed cobras and brought in their skins to trade for money. What happened? People started breeding cobras and creating cobra farms, causing the total number of cobras to increase.

A large part of being a successful leader is knowing how to motivate people. Incentives are a great way to motivate people, however, they are tricky and can easily backfire. Successful leaders think through every outcome and can think like other people. If you know what another persons motives are then you have a good chance at guessing how they will behave. Leaders can guess how others will behave.

The problem with Mexico City's solution is that people needed to drive. Getting to their jobs is what motivated them to buy a second car and drive even more. A better incentive scheme would be to find a way to reward people for carpooling. That would be one of the few ways to get less cars on the road.

I challenge you to motivate someone else, and think through how they are going to behave. What are their own incentives? Why would they do this for you? Everyone has their own well-being in mind when they do something. If you want to motivate people to do something for you or do something for the greater good, you have to find a way that it will help them.

Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it. -Dwight D. Eisenhower 

Step Out of Your Bubble

Have you traveled somewhere new recently? If so, did you learn anything new? Probably so.

Traveling opens our eyes to new sights, but more importantly it opens us up to new ideas. When we travel to somewhere new we step outside of our comfort zone and only once we step out of our comfort zone do we began to grow and learn. 

I recently traveled to some different parts of the world and stepped out of some comfort zones. Because of that, my comfort zones expanded and will keep expanding. Maybe one day everything will be within my comfort zone. 

"Find out what you're afraid of and go live there" -Chuck Palahniuk

Traveling can be used as a metaphor. Even if you can't travel at the moment because of money etc. there are other things you can do. If you are afraid of something don't avoid it, do the opposite. If you are afraid of something go for it and you may just find out that it's not as bad as you thought. 

If you are afraid of speaking in public, take every chance you can to stand up and speak. If you are in school, stand up today and speak in your class. And not just today, do it everyday until you are no longer afraid of it.

I used to dream of going to other countries and traveling but I was afraid of it. I used to think about what if something bad happened? "What ifs" can kill your dreams, don't ever think about "what ifs" think about what is and what can be in a positive way. Last summer I traveled to five different countries and I am no longer afraid to go anywhere (to an extent) and JUST like that 95% of the world was opened up to me (USA only holds 5% of the world population). 

My point is that if you fear something, don't hide from it. You could be missing out on 95% of something that's there for you to have. You could be missing out on the best thing you'll ever know.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. -Neale Donald Walsch

I challenge you to do something today that you would never do. Do something that you have talked yourself out of before. I promise you, it won't be as bad as you thought. 

Body language

Body language has always been a large part of communication.

It's the first thing people notice when they talk to each other and subconsciously determines how we react. Your body language reveals your feelings and underlying thoughts to others.
Others body language reveals their feelings and underlying thoughts to you.

What does your body language say about you?

Body language is especially important in first impressions because at the first impression of a person we are stripped to our primal behaviors and instincts. Successful people know how to develop good body language habits that make them more appealing to others, and they also know how to read body language in order to understand the true meaning of what others are communicating.

Our body language displays our hidden thoughts. Body language seems more important than the words we speak.

 What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Successful people speak well. The best 'connection building' body language techniques are eye contact, smiling and facing your body toward the person you are talking to. All three of these techniques show that you are interested in what someone is saying, that you can be trusted and that you have a warm personality. 

These are key attributes in building connections with others and getting what you want out of life. Also, when you speak to someone you should always have your hands visible. Letting others know they can trust you is extremely important in first impressions when instincts take over. 

Body language in first impressions- Yesterday I was at a concert in a grassy area listening to some music and a woman came up to me asking if she could put her chair in front of where I was standing. I said it would be fine and the conversation lasted no more than 20 seconds but then I started thinking about what happened. 

I'm sure she was a nice woman and she made good eye contact, however, she did not smile and had a rather stern look on her face. I could feel myself putting up a guard during the 20 seconds. My heart rate increased and my muscles tensed up. 

Why did I react like this? It was because there was no smile and I probably got the wrong first impression. 

Always smile when meeting someone new, even if you have to fake it. Practice learning peoples eye color, this will help with eye contact. Point your chest toward theirs, this will open your body to them. 

The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said. - Peter F. Drucker

Situations and expectations

Where do our personalities and behaviors come from? 

Are they hereditary or do they come from where and how we were raised?... Or somewhere else entirely?

Successful people practice helpful behaviors that enable them to achieve more in life. But what if their behaviors were not from their genes or from where they were raised but merely a reflection of the situation they are in. What if people subconsciously acted a certain way in a situation because they are expected to.

Expectations seem to play a heavy role in how we act in every situation. For instance, a CEO is generally expected to display confidence, intelligence and authority, whereas a prisoner might be expected to act unruly or disobedient. These are stereotypes, and whether we like to admit it or not, our brains very often use stereotypes to make sense of the world. Stereotypes use past memories to predict a future event. We are all victim to stereotypes.

You have just finished eating at your favorite restaurant and you are ready to pay. The check comes out and you stare at it for a moment while you calculate twenty percent of the $12.84 meal. Why did you leave a twenty percent tip? While you may be a genuinely nice person, that's not why you left a twenty percent tip, or a tip at all for that matter. You left it because you were expected to. Yes, expectations play a large role in everyday situations as well as the roles we play in our lives.

Successful people have a way of putting themselves into situations where they are expected to succeed. They are able to manipulate bad situations into good ones and when they have succeeded in the past, they are expected to succeed in the future which keeps them at the top.

I challenge you to think about how expectations play a role in your life. Place yourself in situations where you are expected to succeed and see how well you perform. 

"High expectations are the key to everything"

-Sam Walton

Listen Carefully

Listening skills are a rarity. Most conversations go like this: One person speaks while the other eagerly waits for his turn to speak, not paying a lick of attention to the other.

What is the point of this? If neither person is listening, why not just have them both go talk to a brick wall that way they can talk all they want.

"Wisdom is the reward you get from a lifetime of listening when you would rather have been talking" -Aristotle

What if I told you that if you sat patiently and really listened to what someone is saying, you will learn a large amount of information you would have bypassed otherwise. Why donesn't everyone do this? Think about it- If I am talking to you, I am relaying information that I already know, If you are talking to me, I am obtaining new knowledge. Therefore, it makes much more sense for me to listen rather than speak. I learn way more.

It is extremely refreshing when you are speaking to someone and they are actively listening to what you are saying. You will, more than likely, trust that person and feel a deeper connection with them. Sucessful people often rise to the top by developing connections. What easier way to connect is there than the simple deed of active listening?

I challenge you walk up to a friend today who you speak to regularly. Start a conversation, but instead of talking to them, let them talk to you. Ask them questions and try to delve deeper into where they are coming from. Pay close attention while they are talking and give feedback to what they are saying. You will be surprised not only how much you learn, but also how the signals they give off become warm and trusting when they know you are truely listening.

Remember, successful people know how to connect with others and active listening is one sure-fire way to connect.

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak, Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."

-Sir Winston Churchill

Time

Time is... arguably the most valuable resource we have as human beings. I'll start with this quote:

“An inch of time is worth an inch of gold, but an inch of time cannot be bought with an inch of gold.”

What does this mean? I think it means that money can be made with time, but money cannot buy time. Why is this so important? Well, most of us desire to make money and to be successful-- the most successful people seem to have all the time they need to be productive, but time is the same to everyone so what makes successful people's time different? They seem to be more efficient with it. Successful people realize that unsuccessful people waste away a majority of their time doing the wrong thing.

Decision making-- Have you ever spent your time doing something and wondered what else you could be doing with your time? YES, we all have done this. I wonder everyday, as I sit in my college classes, if I should be out getting experience as an entrepreneur instead. I tell myself that I am studying now in order to build myself up for something later.

Every decision has an opportunity cost. The opportunity cost is the cost of any activity measured in terms of the next best alternative. In other words, if I have a choice between going to a movie and staying at home to do homework and I decide to go to the movie, my opportunity cost is the amount of homework I would have gotten accomplished in the time I was at the movie. For every decision, there is an opportunity cost, a decision forgone. 

On a larger scale, let's say I decide to go to college after high school: My opportunity cost is not only the money I am paying for tuition, but it is also the four years of money I am not making and the hours of experience I am not obtaining. 

Wasted money can be made back, wasted time is gone forever.

Equally important in decision making is that time spent making a decision is time taken away from utilizing our choice. I was reminded of the story of a horse who stood in between two equal sized bales of hay, unable to decide which one to eat, he died of starvation. 

Time passes no matter what we do, we have no ability to slow it down or speed it up. What we can do is use our time as efficiently as possible which will maximize our productivity with the time that we are given. 

Take a look at what you did in the last 24 hours... are you done? Good. Now think about a few things you could cut out of that picture and add something more productive. Whether it's the hour of TV you watched after work or the extra 30 minutes you laid in bed this morning- I bet there is an easy replacement that could make your time that much more productive. Remember, we are only given a certain amount of time to utilize and every activity has an opportunity cost.

Successful people have the same 24 hours in a day that everyone else has, but it's what they do with it that makes all the difference. 

"Time is what we want most, but use worst"

-William Penn